Alrighty people. Get over it, I don’t update when I say I will. Sorry, I’m in a “knocking yo doors down in mah stilettos and beating the beejeezus outta ya’ll” mood. For which I will explain. However, let’s recap our Tuesday through Friday notes, shall we?
Tuesday: Class. Work. Unremarkable.
Wednesday: Class, where I try not to jump up and strangle the theater prof who somehow decides that I’m getting half credit on an assignment because I DID IT THE EXACT WAY HE SAID. We’ve turned in four of them and this is the first one I’m getting back. Did I mention that I tried not to strangle him? So worn out by this that after classes I go back to the apartment and take five hour angry nap. Group dinner for the building, we have some pretty cool people. MET TWO OF THE RHINOS UPSTAIRS. THEY DID NOT EAT ME. This however made me like them for they seemed okay…
Thursday: ….Changed my mind. New opinion:
Because seriously, who the hell plays loud music at 1:00 AM?!!! ON A THURSDAY/FRIDAY?!!!!!!
Work again, which just went worse. The girl who was my same shift was fine, but the closer? OOooooooh LORDY. Gurl came in, brand new and still wet behind the ears. Not dressed for work or anything. Just a little tiny freshman thang who comes in all cocky and loud. So I was originally inclined to smack her but she grew on me. Like Mold. UNTIL I DISCOVERED SHE COULDN’T MAKE A SMOOTHIE TO SAVE HER LIFE.
So yeah. Our smoothies are super easy by the way. Literally, just follow the instructions that give you ounce and scoop measurements. They’re usually a bit on the short side, but not much. THIS GIRL MADE AT LEAST FOUR HALF SMOOTHIES AND ONE SMOOTHIE SO BAD I HAD TO REDO IT ENTIRELY. HOW THE ^#$()* DO YOU MESS UP A SMOOTHIE THAT BADLY?????!!!!!
Gerrrr. And she’d just laugh like “Oh, haha isn’t this funny?” And not make any effort to correct it.
ALL THE FACE PALMS.
Oh, and she tried to put the paper we put the sandwiches on with the sandwich through the toaster, which is something I figured she would be smart enough to get without me telling her. Coworker (not new girl) had to stop the machine and yank out the paper which was now the same temperature as the sun out with her bare hands. Well, plastic-y not-latex gloves, but still, those things do NOTHING for temperature. After work, I can’t feel the tips of my fingers for hours. Still can’t, actually, over 24 hours later.
Anyways, work on Thursday was more interesting than just a new idiot I had to train. No, I accidentally got slightly intoxicated at work. Seriously, it was an accident. You see, we have the option for salt and pepper and oil and vinegar. Our vinegar is raspberry (holy shit, did NOT KNOW THAT WAS HOW IT WAS SPELLED. Always thought it was “rasberry.” MY LIFE IS A LIEEEEEEE) something so it’s red. At work, since yours truly is Gluten Free (GF) I often make myself a “salad” in our giant 32 ounce cups because the GF wraps are tiny. Like 100 calorie bite sized. And I may be tiny, but I eat. Just ask my grocery budget. And since I don’t have to buy food (within reason) when I’m working, I eat all I can. Let me repeat: STARVING COLLEGE STUDENT. So I load this thing up and since I learned in Nutrition that vinegar is better than you for oil, I overload on the stuff. Seriously, I overload, there’s usually two standing inches of it at the bottom I chug. So, you see where I’m going? I come to work hungry, then when I make my salad, I overload on what LOOKS like our vinegar. I inhale salad and notice it tastes a bit different, but am not really paying attention. So I finish my break, and am back to working (maintence stuff: fill turkey, sweep, clean….mainly waiting for the next customer and watching TV) and suddenly I feel super relaxed. Just relaxed and chill. And then everything seems funnier than I know it should be. My voice is louder than it should be. SO I start thinking “WTF IS WRONG WITH MEEEE?!!” Except the actual thought was “Whoa man, this is weird, hahahahaha!”
Yeah.
Then my boss comes out and hold the “vinegar” to me and says “Smell this.” So I do. Because I am “one of the guys” and have a lot of best guy friends and I abide by the smell code. And that? That does not smell like vinegar. Which I think is funny. Because unbeknownst to me, I am the tiniest bit drunk. That is when my boss identifies it as red cooking wine. And then it all makes sense. Fortunately I am somewhat of a hard weight, I may have been buzzed but I wasn’t showing it. If my boss had seen, there’d’ve been some deep shit to wade through. Specifically, “how did our underage employee get drunk at work?!!!” And I hate paperwork. So no to that. Did I mention we’ve been serving this on sandwiches to underage kids? Fortunately, I’m the only person on campus who knows and does the salad thingy. So I’m the one who actually raised my BAC level. Not amused. Soooo very not amused. Now it’s actually hilarious, but to my relaxed mind then, it was a “soooo not cool, man. Don’t know who you are, but I will find you and hang you upside down by your big toe from a Redwood while you wear black spandex and I slap you with week-old dead fish when I start caring about all of this again.”
In this scenario, I am Liam Neeson because Liam Neeson is my generation’s Chuck Norris and ERMAHGERD ITS LIAM NEERSON
So yeah. That was interesting.
Friday: Sleep late. Go to class. Try to go to play for assignment, but it is sold out. Oh, and Sperm Donor (Biological Co-creator) calls (we don’t have a great relationship and he’s been in Afghanistan, he’s home on temporary leave) (not the actual military because that would be Noble.) and oh, guess what? HE’S MOVING TO MY NEIGHBORHOOD. TWO STREETS AWAY. Soooo unamused, ALL THE UNAMUSEDS. I AM SO ANGRY I MISSPELLED UNAMMUSED AT LEAST FOUR TIMES. SEE I DID IT AGAIN!
Let us be clear: I do not have Daddy issues, because my actual Dad is my stepdad. He is the Dad. That is the cocreator. Because even idiot/assholes have good ideas sometimes.
So today’s been pretty crazy. Although I did go grocery shopping and I ate a whole bag of brussel sprouts and now I feel better.
I’ll have more details about the weekend and various other rants soon. If there’s a topic any of you want me to rant about, let me know in the comments
Okay, so I really need to get going, but I’ll go into more details about the whole cocreator scenario and everything that happened today soon, that was a quick recap.
Hope you all have unaccidentally drugged and nonjerk crashing weekends!
Aurora
Eccentric Elephants 